The Perfect Ending to the Twilight Saga
by delicatedreams
Summary: When Bella is lost forever, where will Jacob and Edward turn?
1. Chapter 1: The End, Sort Of

The Perfect Ending to the Twilight Saga

Mike Newton blocked the front door of Bella's house, preventing her escape from him. Adrenaline clearly coursed through his veins as he pointed the gun at her head. He had found out the truth about the werewolves and the vampires in Forks.

"Why would you want Jacob or Edward?" he growled at her. "I'm the NORMAL one. I'm not a FREAK like they are!"

Bella shook her head, holding back her fearful tears. How could Edward not be here to save her? Where was he when she needed him now? "Normal?" she whispered. Suddenly she felt braver. "Jacob may be werewolf and Edward may be a vampire, but they aren't the crazy holding a girl at gunpoint because she is in love with her soul mate instead of them."

"Shut up! Where is your so called 'soul mate' when you're in real trouble?" Mike shouted at her, bringing up the question she had just been asking herself. "Well say goodbye Isabella Swan." With a crack, the gun went off, killing Bella instantly.

Suddenly Edward and Jacob exploded through the window. "NO!" they both yelled at the same time, sadness gripping them both tightly to the point of suffocation.

Another crack sounded as Mike shot himself, collapsing on top of the dead body of Bella. Edward and Jacob stared at each other, connected by their sorrow. Jacob let out a howl of rage and fell to his knees by the two bodies. Edward stood silently behind him. After a moment, he placed a comforting hand on Jacob's shoulder, trying to distract himself from his own sorrow. That is how they remained for what seemed like a lifetime but was in fact only half an hour. Edward offered Jacob his hands at the end of that half hour and helped him to stand up. While their hands were still touching, their eyes locked and the strangest mutual feeling passed between them. Whether the emotions resulting from Bella's death or something deeper caused the feeling, Edward and Jacob realized they did not truly hate each other. In fact, in that instant, they knew that Bella was not the soul mate for either one of them; Jacob and Edward were soul mates.  
"Did you feel" – Jacob started before Edward placed a single finger on Jacob's lips to silence him.

"Don't say another word," Edward breathed, taking Jacob's hands in his again.

Slowly they moved towards each other, and their lips finally touched. One kiss brought them into a state of pure bliss. The dead (THANK GOD) Bella Swan was long forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2: The Married Life

Jacob and Edward: The Married Life

It had been exactly twenty-two days, four hours, fifty-five minutes, and three seconds since Edward and Jacob had shared the fateful kiss that had changed their lives FOREVER. At that exact moment, the two stood hand in hand in front of a waddle of penguins, and yes, that is what you call a group of penguins.

After realizing that there was no way they could be together in Forks, Jacob and Edward had departed to California to secure a marriage license. Once that was taken care of, the two took a ship up to Antarctica where they could live together peacefully, living off penguins with Jacob serving as Edward's personal heater. They loved each other and had delicious penguins to eat; that was all that mattered.

"It's your turn to kill a penguin, Wolfie," Edward said, squeezing Jacob's hand.

"You can help Eddie!" Jacob replied, smiling.

Together Jacob and Edward captured a penguin and killed him for their dinner. They returned to their ten room igloo with the penguin on a stick, ready to roast over the kitchen fire. As Jacob slowly rotated the penguin over the flames, he looked up at Edward. "Edward?" he said softly. When Edward met his eyes, Jacob continued. "I was thinking about…babies."

"Babies?" Edward asked, confused. "How are we supposed to have babies?"

"We could adopt one!"

Edward shook his head and put down the book (_How to Cook Penguin for Dummies_) in his hand. "And do you really think we could raise a baby in the arctic, living in an igloo?"

"It was just a thought," Jacob grumbled, embarrassed that he had brought up the subject at all.

Immediately Edward sensed that he had hurt Jacob. "Come here Wolfie," he said softly, opening his arms.

Quietly Jacob came over and fell into Edward's arms. In an instant, all was forgiven.


	3. Chapter 3: The Beginning of the End

A/N: So if the people reading this haven't noticed…it's all a joke and is not supposed to be a serious piece of writing. I'm just enjoying poking fun at the Twilight Series!

Jacob and Edward: The Beginning of the End

It took six months for the happy couple to get incredibly sick of Antarctica. Two people could only tolerate such a cold and empty place for so long with only penguins (and the occasional polar bear) to eat. After demolishing their lovely igloo for the fun of it, the pair set off to find a new home. Edward wanted to attempt to go back home to Forks, but Jacob immediately nixed that idea.

"Let's go to England," Jacob pretty much whined as they boarded their boat. "It's rainy there; you won't sparkle at all! We could blend really well in."

"If we go to England, do I have your permission to sing the song "Werewolves of London" whenever I want to Wolfie?"

"If it makes you happy," Jacob muttered. He was clearly in a bad mood. Maybe all the cold had finally gotten to him, or maybe, it was something worse.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't feel as good as I felt when we first got married! It's like…I'm putting in way more into this thing than I'm getting out of it!"

Edward kissed Jacob's forehead. "I hate myself for even making you think that."

"Whatever." Jacob stuffed his hands in his pockets and took a seat inside the ship's main cabin. Edward let out an exasperated sigh and started up the boat's engine.

The pair arrived on the shores of England after a couple of weeks of bitterness on the boat. Their marriage was in danger, and they both knew it. Was there some way to save it? That question would be answered soon enough.

Jacob and Edward found a pricey furnished flat for sale once they reached London, but they snatched it up anyway and moved in almost immediately. To attempt and make Jacob happy, Edward bought him a puppy.

"Thank you," Jacob told him, loving the dog immediately, but there was no way he was going to forget his anger that easily. "I'll name her Lola." With that, Jacob took the dog by the leash that Edward had also bought and led her outside to the small garden that the whole block of houses in the area shared.

A pretty young woman with blonde hair was the only other person in the garden. Her hair was pulled back into a sensible plait, and her nimble fingers zoomed over the miniature keyboard on her cell phone as she texted away. Jacob gave her a small nod in acknowledgement. She smiled and softly said, "Hello there."

"You're American as well?" Jacob asked, surprised.

"Yes, I'm from California. What about you?"

"Washington."

"Ah, so we were practically neighbors back in the states. I'm Allie, Allie Connor." She stowed her phone in her brown hobo purse and extended a hand for him to shake.

He shook it and a huge shock went straight up his arm. "I'm J-Jacob Black." Suddenly a glowing neon sign appeared over Allie's head. It read, 'THIS IS HER! THIS IS THE GIRL YOU SHOULD BE IN LOVE WITH.'

Allie glanced up and gasped. "What the hell is that?"

"Er…yeah…that would be what my kind call imprinting."

"And that is?"

"It means we're meant to be together forever and ever."

"Oh…well if that's all…"

And so suddenly, everything got much more complicated.


	4. Chapter 4: Separation

A/N: So sorry this took so long to get done…School started and all…ANYWAY…If you have not read Breaking Dawn, there is a slight spoiler. It isn't anything major…it's just something that isn't clearly addressed until Breaking Dawn. However, most people probably figured out as much with all the context clues…so read "at your own risk" (although it's not much of a risk).

Jacob and Edward: Separation

"I think you ought to know," Jacob began, as he and Allie sat down on a bench, "that I am able to turn into a wolf. Let me make this clear, I am not a werewolf. Stephenie Meyer, my creator, proclaimed that I AM NOT a werewolf. I repeat, I am not a werewolf, but I can turn into a wolf at will."

"Well I'm a demon hunter because my mom was," Allie said. "It doesn't matter who we are…it just matters that we're in love." Allie smiled and took his hand. "So will we really be together forever?"

Jacob smiled back at her. "I sure do hope so." Soon, Jacob and Allie were lost deep in conversation, finding out everything about each other that they could. It was true love.

"Where have you been?" Edward asked Jacob when Jacob finally returned home from the park a good four hours later.

Jacob took a deep breath and looked Edward squarely in the eyes. "I've met someone else Eddie. A girl."

Edward gasped. "Are you…leaving me?"

"Yes, I am. Frankly, we aren't good for each other in the long run. We worked well for a short time period, but I can't be with you forever. I just imprinted on this wonderful girl named Allie Connor. She's actually the daughter of a demon slayer, so she understands me. In fact, if I were you, I would leave because she might try to come and slay you."

"WHAT?" Edward jumped up and immediately grabbed the things most important to him, excluding Jacob who had just broken his heart in two. "I thought we were meant to spend eternity together…but I guess I was wrong again." With his poor, flawless head hanging, Edward swiftly left the flat.

_Where can I go?_ Edward thought to himself. For the perfect vampire, he wasn't exactly a quick thinker…He spent the next day in the park, where Allie and Jacob had met, trying to figure out what to do with his life. Fortunately for him, the park seemed to have some romantic charm on it because conveniently someone special showed up during all his pondering.

Being the perfect time to switch back to Jacob, that's what will be done. Jacob, meanwhile, was spending every waking moment with Allie. That's what imprinting had done to him; he never wanted to be away from her. In a way, Allie found that incredibly creepy. However, she loved him too much to care. For them, life was slowly becoming perfect. After selling the flat Jacob had owned with Edward and the flat Allie owned, the pair spent their days traveling the world, stopping evil in its tracks. Jacob had mad tracking skills. Allie had mad ass-kicking skills. Together, they were pretty much impossible to beat. Evil vamps and demons stood no chance when faced with the duo.

Was Edward going to end up as lucky as Allie and Jacob?

A/N Again: If anyone is cool enough to have guessed this, Allie is from the Carpe Demon series. That's the series about the Demon Hunting Soccer mom. Allie is her pretty awesome teenage daughter. She's obviously older in this than in the books, as she's about 18 or 19 here and is 14 in the books…so yeah…


	5. Chapter 5: The End, For Real

A/N: So I'm grateful for all the people who read and enjoyed this joke of a fanfic. Thank you guys so much for reading and for the little bit of feedback!! I enjoyed writing this so much…and I hope you guys enjoy the last installment. It brings in one of my very favorite book characters for this final chapter, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Chapter Five: Edward's – And Everyone Else's – End

"May I sit next to you?" a pretty girl with red hair asked, pointing at the seat next to Edward.

Not caring, Edward just nodded and continued to wallow in his misery. The girl gave him a curious look. He proceeded to pay her no attention until she finally spoke up.

"You've lost someone important to you, haven't you?" she asked. "I know that look well. I lost many people I loved ages ago…my mother…the man I loved…and others. It helps, sometimes, to talk about it, you know."

"Well I lost two people that I thought were my true loves…and now…now I'm all alone!" Edward gulped, sorrow filling him once more.

The girl patted him on the back and listened attentively as he spilled out his whole story, vampireness and all. She listened, and that was more than enough. Edward just wanted someone to listen to him. It really did make him feel better once he had told the stranger all of his problems.

"That's quite a story," the girl said, when Edward was finally done. "My story is quite a story as well. Would you like to hear about it?"

Edward gave her a nod, suddenly not wanting to reflect on Jacob or Bella any longer. The girl quickly revealed her name to be Gemma and shared her experiences with using magic a whole century before.

"How are you still young and alive now?" he asked. "You're not a vampire like me, are you?"

"No, I'm not…but the truth is, I'm a book character, so I am eternally young. The same goes for you as well."

Edward gave her a really confused look. "What?"

"We don't really exist, Edward…There are writers outside our lives messing with our lives because that's what they're paid to do." Gemma shrugged.

"So are you saying our lives are meaningless?!"

Gemma thought for a moment. "No, I don't think they are. You know what I do think?"

"What?" Edward asked somewhat miserably.

"I think that we understand each other…and that it is time we got over our sorrows." She smiled. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Are you saying that you want to spend your possibly meaningless life with me?"

"Yes," she told him kindly, smiling. "However, I wouldn't put it that morbidly." She extended her smooth, freckled hand to him. "What do you say Edward Cullen? Why don't we spend our lives together and make each other happy?"

A smile filled Edward's face, causing all traces of sadness to evaporate. "I say we do that, Gemma Doyle."

Together they left the park, hand in hand. Like Jacob and Allie, they found much happiness and near perfection in their lives together. All four lived in love, and love made everything (even a possibly meaningless life) seem okay.

_The End_

A/N: I borrowed Gemma from _A Great and Terrible Beauty_ because I felt like she deserved some "perfect" to love her. Thanks again for reading the whole story!


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